Often times we wonder why some relationships fail to continue to thrive after decades of being together. We get complacent and follow basic routines, raising a family, going to work, family gatherings, family trips, setting the menu to familiar favorites, adding new, trying new are always welcome at another time. Feelings of being loved and appreciated by all is an amazing feeling. The thing is there are also times when something being said or not said that expressed feelings that made one uncomfortable, unhappy, bored with not being able to express them, causing a break down. Unfortunately, for some when there is a breakdown, one person sees it while the other continues moving as if nothing has changed. Silent screams, silent tears, wishing for more, rather then being content and grateful for what they have because looking at the outside world it’s got to be more or so one thinks. The moment a person has a chance to look away from responsibility they take it and usually don’t look back. They find a new set of ears and eyes that hear and see them as new and different so they have a chance to experience life through the lies they lay out to get the attention they so badly want. They don’t care about anyone else but themselves and getting the opportunity to look away from the reality of the responsibility they have created for themselves. A marriage, children, a home, careers, vehicles, and all of their responsibilities. My personal experience has taught me that although we aren’t always happy, the reason we don’t always get more is because we aren’t content with what we have, but the thought of walking away, doesn’t and hasn’t ever crossed my mind. I made a choices to be with the person I married, through the good and bad times, realinzing myself that I wasn’t always happy, but knew I couldn’t buy it at a local or distant store. I loved but wasn’t in love every minute of my relationship, but experienced many renewed feelings of love and being in love. And was willing to do whatever it took to continue in the responsibility of my vows, forgiving the many transgressions, forgiving the lies, crying through all of the uncertainty of someone else’s choices, especially when I wasn’t their choice. Begging to work harder to make our relationship stronger and work, not always realizing that it wasn’t working, trusting even when I was giving every reason not to, I sat and pondered what could I have possibly done differently, and the answer was the same, absolutely nothing! I kept asking myself why?? What did she have that I didn’t, nothing, but what was it about her that made her his choice, over me and all that we shared together, love, laughter, children, family, loss, disagreements, and the responsibilities that came with all of that. Guess what I had what she didn’t have a clue of what it was like to be a part of a family, no matter what really happened or the responsibility that came with it. And then a light bulb went on and I realized my ex had an opportunity to look away from responsibility, when he saw her it was knowing her eyes and ears were open to all of the things that I had already seen and heard, so it must have felt good being able to be seen as a new toy, with a set of instructions that was being read for the first time, which meant the chance of being read multiple times for a clear understanding. When her car needed to be repaired, it was the mechanic’s responsibility, home repairs were the responsibility of a handyman, no responsibility for him to have to prioritize,  nor did he have to figure out how the expenses were going to be paid, she was already handling most if not all of them without him, whatever lies, or misunderstandings took place, it was easily to blame me as the cause. The stories of how he was mistreated and unfairly treated. Each one believed because why would such a person have to deal with such a thing. I realized he had an opportunity to look away from responsibility and her giving him that chance became a problem for me. Walking away, leaving it all on me, holding all the hurt, The responsibility of raising our children, trying to figure it out, since I was a housewife. I worked hard at taking care of home, raising and running with our children, losing everything Including myself. Just because when he seen me he saw responsibility and she gave him the opportunity to look away from his. I do see him through a new set of eyes and hear what he says with a new set of ears, asking myself why does this seem to be okay with  him, only to be reassured that the responsibility at be different but it’s responsibility all the same. Since this has happened I received an apology with the statement hindsight is 20/20, if I knew then what I know now, we would be together but I wouldn’t want to hurt any one the way I hurt you. I’m sorry, I was selfish but…